‘Dexter’ returns: All the reasons we don’t want more seasons

Well, look who decided to shave and ditch the lumberjack costume. Showtime just released a teaser trailer for the new “revival” season of Dexter and, to be perfectly honest, it’s not doing anything for us. Is it doing anything for anyone? Anyone besides actor Michael C. Hall and showrunner Clyde Phillips, that is. Dexter returns! Who cares?

To be fair, details are still scarce about this new season of a show that was cancelled almost a decade ago. To be even more fair, it’s hard to imagine Showtime doing anything with Dexter that would make us interested in it again. Of course, we would hate for our dear readers to think our skepticism is unfounded so, before Dexter returns, let us tell you why we are less than enthused about it.

“Dexter Returns”. They could’ve gotten Tim Burton to direct a season of Michael C. Hall hunting down Michelle Pfeiffer & Danny DeVito and it still would’ve been a tough sell for us. Anyway, onward!

He’s just a soul whose intentions are good.

See what #Dexter has been up to when he comes home to SHOWTIME this Fall. pic.twitter.com/Bh8UC83qn0

— SHOWTIME (@Showtime) April 29, 2021

You can’t fix that ending (and they don’t want to)

Have you ever met anyone who liked how Dexter ended? Yeah, neither have we. They killed Deb off – in fact, they had Dexter mercy-kill her because why not – sent Dexter’s newfound lover and his child away to Argentina, and then . . . they had Dexter fake his death and exile himself as a lumberjack somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. What a twist! The twist being the ending was worse than anyone could’ve feared.

There’s no way out of that finale. If the new season tried the “It was all a dream!” approach, we’d find it insulting and cheap. But Clyde Phillips has already said they simply plan to pick up where the show left off. So Deb’s dead and Dexter’s child is gone for good, since the only returning original cast member is Michael C. Hall. So Dexter returns and nobody else does. Yay?

Dexter went off the rails long before its final season

Let’s get this right: the first four seasons of Dexter are great television. But it’s hard to keep up that level of quality over the years. Dexter went on for an additional four seasons before Showtime pulled the plug on it, and the wear & tear was noticeable as time went on. It’s not that season 8 was the sole culprit of fandom turning on their favorite serial killer. It was a long and drawn-out process.

So why would anyone think that the best strategy to adopt for a show that’s burned itself out is to add an extra ten episodes to its run? Even if you consider that Phillips was the showrunner during Dexter’s glory days, the damage is already done. Showtime ran Dexter to the ground over the years and that finale simply put the show out of its misery. Let’s leave it be.

Do we really need a show glorifying a serial killer these days?

We’re all about escapism, but there’s a time and a place for everything. With global emotions & tensions as heightened as they’ve been over the last few years, the idea of celebrating a well-meaning serial killer seems pretty tone-deaf. Not that the world wasn’t a mess back in 2006, when Dexter originally premiered, but you gotta admit: we’re further down the rabbit hole these days.

You know, if this new season wasn’t about Dexter but rather about a lawman obsessed with bringing Dexter down, refusing to believe he’s dead, following his tracks . . . okay, we still wouldn’t watch it, but it would at least come across as being on higher moral ground.

Michael C. Hall is a talented actor who deserves better

Look, we’re sure the paycheck is nice, but for crying out loud, let the man move on and leave this carcass behind. Yeah, reports say Michael C. Hall is as involved in the creation of this new final season as Clyde Phillips, but can someone with an outsider’s perspective intervene and tell these guys they’d be better off using their talents on a brand new show?

Think about it: what sounds more exciting? “Dexter returns!” or “Brand new show starring Michael C. Hall from the showrunner of the first four seasons of Dexter!”? Okay, so we might have to workshop that pitch, but you get the idea.

Stop pouring salt on the wound

Michael C. Hall & Clyde Phillips aren’t the only ones who need to move on from Dexter. We all do. And, in a way, we were getting there. Until Showtime decided to reopen old wounds with all this ninth season bull$h!t. It’s the equivalent of having a brutal, nasty break-up, then have your ex show back up after ten years to hook up one last time. It’s not healthy, guys. We all deserve better.

How about Dexter turns around and returns to the land of cancelled shows instead?

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Are you a passionate Dexter fan who’s excited for the new season? Are you someone who liked the original series finale? Let us know in the comments!